The Book Thief (12A)

Once upon a time, many moons ago, way back in the mists of time etc, a friend kept banging on about this book called The Book Thief.

It's amazing, she enthused, it's wonderful - read it now, if not sooner.

So I did as I was told.

I have no idea how it ended, because it was so tedious and over-written I decided there were better things I could be doing with my time. Like staring at my feet.

And yet, when the trailer for the film started doing the rounds, I was interested.

Just because the book - a much loved and lauded tome - was tedious as all hell, doesn't mean the film will turn out the same way.

Just look at The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

So it was with genuine interest and intrigue that I took my seat to see Geoffrey Rush, Emily Watson and some young slip of a girl called Sophie Nelisse, do their thing.

I was also curious following Danny Wossisface on Film 2014's bemoaning of how pretty and shiny the Holocaust looked.

Clearly he either saw a different film or missed the whole point.

For a start, this is not a film about the Holocaust.

It's the story of a little girl who discovers the joy of reading just at the time Hitler has decided a lot of books are bad and has them burnt.

Great timing, kid, you'll go far.

It's also a film told through the perspective of the aforementioned child (Liesel, played beautifully by Nelisse).

Amazingly, nine-year-old's don't tend to grasp the complexities of hatred, war and persecution. All she knows is there's a bloke in the basement who has to hide because people want to kill him.

That really is it.

Because, while this may be a story told over the period of The Second World War, it's not about the war.

It's about a girl growing up, making friends, making a difference to other people's lives, discovering hidden pleasures, sharing secrets... And Death.

Which is just one of the areas where the film starts to fall down.

Voiced by Roger Allam, Death narrates the whole tale - as he does in the book. But where as, in the book, his is a key role (apparently), in the film it's just confusing.

For a start, if you don't know Death is the narrator, you're unlikely to pick it up during the opening monologue.

You might if you're a Discworld fan, of course, as there's a clear influence here, but otherwise it's just a nice voice over.

The other problem is the other haracters.

While Rush and Watson are wonderful as Liesel's adoptive parents, everyone else is so paper thin there's every chance they could blow away.

This is supposed to be a close-knit community in a small town, and according to Mrs Popcorn (who actually finished the book), you get to know everyone as the book goes on.

Sadly here, we aren't given that luxury.

No backstory is provided to anyone, meaning we are left top wonder why - when reading is bad and books are to be burnt - the mayor's wife happily opens her library to a little girl.

There is also a problem with the point of the story.

While it's about all the things I've mentioned above, you don't come out of it feeling anymore than when you went in.

Now I'm sure fans of the book will disagree and happily bore me with what the point of it all was - but that's not the point. If you see what I mean.

The story meanders along, things happen, but you are never given any real sense of peril or drama. Even the air raid comes over like a rather dull office party in a shit venue.

Which is a real shame, because the central performances are so strong that they deserve more depth than this.

Much has been said of the fact director Brian Percival directed episodes of Downton Abbey - with the lazy conclusion being that's why it looks so polished.

But that is wide of the mark.

Instead, it explains why it feels so flimsy and the characters are so poorly drawn.

While he can make it look nice, Percival is clearly used to characters people already know and love.

And while that maybe the case for fans of the book, to make it work for a wider film audience more was needed.

Still, looks nice...


(Oh, and before I forget - Danny TV Film Critic Bloke Off The Telly was bemoaning the fact that when the little girl arrived in Germany, Watson's Rosa calls her dirty when she clearly isn't.

THAT WASN'T THE POINT!

The point of that exchange is to tell us about Rosa. Sheesh.

And he gets paid to talk crap like that...)