Click that, yup, write that thing there, yup, got that, then... Ah, yes, blather on about a film for a bit.
Simple. Like riding a bike.
Presumably. Wouldn't know.
Anyhoo, after a mad few weeks when the world and it's solicitor seemed determined to stop Uncle Popcorn getting down the flicks, the clouds have parted like the Red Sea and we are back in front of the big screen.
Feet up, phone off. Just as Moses wanted.
And what delight awaits us? What cinematic gem have we waited so long to salivate over? Fast And Furious 7? (No point, haven't seen the other six). Paul Blart Mall Cop 2? (No, we've been busy, not having a lobotomy).
Nope, it's Mr Crowe's directorial debut no less. It's The Water Diviner.
And I'm glad.
Since hearing The People's Poet and singing star of Les Mis was getting behind the camera, I've been keen to catch The Water Diviner - if only to see what the hell he came up with.
The man can't sing and he's no poet - and to be honest, of late, his acting has seemed a tad laboured - but you can't deny ol' Russ is a box office draw.
After hearing his Wittertainment interview, where he said he didn't want to act in it but had been told if he didn't he wouldn't have a film to direct, you knew this wasn't a vanity project but something he felt passionate about.
And d'ya know what?
It's alright.
Sure, it won't change your life, but it's a good, solid, well-made piece that ticks all the boxes and leaves you feeling warm inside.
Which is more than Paul Blart would do.
The story (inspired by real events, it sez on the screen) is about Connor (Crowe himself), a man who has lost everything. His wife has died, his boys died at Gallipoli, and the local priest has had off with his dog in exchange for the Christian burial his wife wanted.
Nice, eh?
From such low points life-changing decisions are made, and Connor heads off to where the infamous battle was fought in a bid to bring his boys home so he can give them the burial they've been denied.
En route he makes enemies, friends, gets shot at, hits people, laughs, cries, drinks and goes about his business in a remarkably understated manner.
And as we go along, you find yourself really warming to Crowe and his portrayal of a man doing The Right Thing, no matter what men with moustaches tell him.
It is, all told, a really well made film.
It looks lovely, it has dashes of humour, it captures the horror and stupidity of war from all sides, and has sweeping vistas - there really isn't a box it doesn't tick.
Of course, that's also a bit of a downside.
There is something of the Sunday Afternoon Film about The Water Diviner.
The war scenes, while graphic, don't feel quite gritty enough, and at almost two hours long it does drag a wheenie in the middle.
But that really is the only criticism.
Sure, it has schmaltz. Sure some of the scenes are a bit clunky (a few too many zoomed close-ups), but hey - it's the guys first go. And he's acting in it as well.
The Water Diviner feels, at times, like it's not so much tugging at the heart strings as hanging off them, but you can forgive it because it it's heart is a wonderful raw honesty.
Crowe's performance is brilliantly measured, and his supporting cast are more than up to the task (and are in no way overshadowed) at hand giving the film a fine balance.
You can kind of plan out where the film is going as you watch it, but again that's not a criticism.
Because of the way the opening scenes play out, you are with Connor all the way. You understand what is driving him. You are willing him to get the job done.
For a man who can come across as more than a tad pretentious (yeah, I know, the irony, shut up), to see Crowe both star and make such a gentle, heartwarming film is nothing short of a great surprise.
The fact we sat there, glued til the end was perhaps an even bigger shock.
But at a time when you'd be forgiven for looking at the cinema listings and losing the will to live, the fact The Water Diviner actually made it to the big screen is perhaps the biggest shock of all.
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