....or we could let Mrs Popcorn choose...
You know how this ended, don't you...?
Now, through no fault of our own, we have never actually sat down and watched a Fast And Furious film.
We've meant to, sure, always been keen – but then something happened (holiday, bins need putting out, the cinema is too far away, it's a Thursday) and the chance went begging.
So diving in at volume nine (NINE? REALLY????) seemed like a bit of a stretch. What if we weren't up to speed on the overall narrative arc? What if there were lot of in-jokes? What about all the symbolism and subtext built up over the previous eight (EIGHT????) films?
Oh well, dive in eh? What's the worst that can happen?
Turns out, we hadn't bargained for actually enjoying ourselves.
Who knew?
For those who actually care about plot, this is a simple one – world-killing virus is now in body of one person, so she is wanted by the bad guys, so Hobbs & Shaw have to stop bickering and save her. And the world, obvs.
The woman in question, Hattie, is played by Vanessa Kirby – who proceeds to act the two blocks of testosterone off the screen. Three if you count Idris Elba.
Kirby is sharp, funny, a thoroughly engaging screen presence and can hold her own in a fight. Frankly she should have had this film to herself.
Especially as the two "stars" (Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham, you may have heard of them) are so busy ensuring they get exactly the same amount of dialogue and screen time they forget to actually get on with the action.
OK, that's a tad harsh, but the dialogue thing becomes really annoying about half way through the film.
Although, that's nothing on Elba. He's either a wooden muscle oaf or acting like his Oscar depends on it. It all depends on if he's acting opposite proper thespian Eddie Marsan.
Seriously, it's like he's in two different films.
We'd love to pick more holes in this crash n smash blockbuster, but in truth... we can't.
No, this isn't highbrow entertainment. Yes, John Wick is a better action film. Yes, Bond and Bourne are better spy films (although Statham does his best early on) – but damn it this film is fun.
The car chases, of which there are as many as you would expect, are stupendous and ludicrous in equal measure. The fights are solid, the dialogue fills in the gaps in the plot just as you'd expect.
And from about 10 minutes in, you'll find yourself just grinning like an idiot.
It may be at an actual joke (and there are quite a few), it might be at just how dumb some bits are – but the fact is, you're smiling and enjoying yourself.
And on at least two occasions we found ourselves tensing up and almost holding our breath as epic stunts unfolded.
All of which was not expected as we took our seats.
Yes, there are more plot-laden films out there. There are arguably better action films. But when The Rock and The Other Rock saddle up and give it their all, you just have to strap in and enjoy the ride.
You can't over think these films, they're just fun – and in this case, have the added bonus of some surprise cameos and a stunning performance from Kirby.
Oscar season looms large on the horizon, so take the summer off and just have some petrol-fuelled fun.
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