Who'd dare to mess with, say, Psycho (Shut up. That Gus Van Zant film NEVER HAPPENED)? Gone With The Wind? The Seven Year Itch? Duck Soup? Star Wars?
OK, that last one was a bad example.
My point is that some films just don't get messed with. Are loved for what they were when they were released, and still are now. A remake, or reimagining, or re anything of The Sound Of Music? There's be armies of nuns marching on Hollywood before anyone could shout action.
Which makes you wonder why anyone felt the need to piss around with The Wizard Of Oz.
The original is rightly classed as a classic - it's aged badly, but who cares? It's still The Wizard Of Oz. Even The Muppets didn't take too many liberties with it. So it's good that the owners of the rights to the original Oz have guarded it so preciously.
Unfortunately, this has led to film makers finding more creative ways around the problem. Which is how we get to Oz The Great And Powerful.
Designed to tell the story of how ol' Wiz rocked up in The Emerald City, and defeated the witches, it's everything fans hoped it would be.
Assuming what they wanted was a mess of a movie that's been made in 3D for no reason other than to justify its existence.
Let's start with the name. Oz The Great And Powerful. Basically what they did was take some key words that they thought would make the film sound enticing and magical, wrote them on bits of paper, and then dropped them on the way to the first meeting. When they were laid out on the table, they were in the wrong order. And a 'The' had fallen under a chair. Not a great start.
Fortunately, every other - and better - permutations aren't littered throughout the film's dialogue as handy reminders of how much better the film could have sounded. And they don't all leap out at you as you sit, bewildered, wondering what on earth possessed you to part with your cash. So that's one bullet dodged.
Then there's the 3D.
Now, having heard a recent interview with director Sam Rami where he said he'd gone to 3D school to make sure he got the editing right, I had high hopes that maybe this time it wouldn't be used in a gimmicky way. Not high hopes, granted, but hopes.
And not even so high that I actually bothered shelling out for the glasses. I'd had a long day and really couldn't be arsed sitting down to watch a film while wearing sunglasses, OK? And it still annoyed me. Because you can tell the bits that have been thrown in just to make use of the visual effect. Ooohhh, look, spears are coming at me.
Ooohhh, look, he's falling down several waterfalls.
Ooohhh, look, stuff is flying about in a tornado.
Ooohhh, look, that bit's going to make people feel sea sick...
And to think I actually thought that if one film could make 3D work, it would be a film set in a magical world. Sigh.
Still, it's got James Franco and Mila Kunis in. They're always good value. Or not.
Franco, as the titular Oz - who is powerful and great - looks somewhat lost, unsure whether to go for an OTT performance or a more measured study of a conman on the fiddle and failing to achieve either. And he can't act with CGI. Some can. Some manage to believably stare at a tennis ball while imagining it's a recently repaired talking china doll. In fact, someone manages it in this film. Just not James.
So, then, Kunis. One of the three witches on offer. Granted she's dressed like Steven Tyler having an acid flashback, but hey - she can act, right? She was good in Black Swan. She was OK in Friends With Benefits...
Sadly that's not the case. We have to put up with her trying to do emotion. It doesn't go well. Fortunately, things improve when the other two witches pitch up. In fact they improve one hell of a lot thanks to one of them. Thank the Munchkins for Michelle Williams.
From the minute she appears, the screen glows. Her presence is as welcome as it is warming. And the camera loves her. Helped, in part, with the way the film is coloured, sure, but she just stands out here. And she can talk to an imaginary china doll.
In fact, her appearance helps the other witch - Rachel Weisz - who seems to up her game when going up against someone who's actually acting. That's not to say she's bad when opposite Kunis, but there's a marked improvement when performing opposite a true star.
Amazingly, all this ranting doesn't mean Oz The Powerful And The Great And The Powerful is a terrible film. For its target age group - ones too young to read our reviews - it'll work fine.
It looks amazing, for a start. The colourisation is a thing of beauty, and it's clear Rami was doing his best to recapture some of that 1939 magic. And he damn near does.
And the flying baboons (not monkeys, you'll note) are GREAT. Scary as all hell, teeth bared at all times and flying out of the screen (or straight at it in my cinema) like rabid, evil, demented... well... baboons. But they're ace.
And the story is OK. It's a family film and it's family friendly. It's good versus evil, moral messages galore and someone calls Oz a fibber. That's a word that needs using more in family movies. Oh, and the black and white opening movement is brilliant. So good in fact, I'd have happily watched an entire movie just of that.
So, an opportunity wasted - where arguably an opportunity wasn't even wanted.
The original is rightly classed as a classic, and its other off-shoot (the West End hit Wicked) is equally popular. So why this? All it does is serve to remind you how good the original was, and how good the actors can be in other films.
Except Michelle. She's just ace.
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