It doesn't even pick up the action from T3 (Rise Of The Machines). I mean, why do that eh?
No no. Much better to ignore the third film in the franchise, and the two subsequent films (although to be fair that's no bad thing) and just create a sequel to a film that came out in 1991.
And you thought they left it a while before doing Zombieland 2, eh?
So, throw everything you know in the bin and off we go again.
We now live in a world where Sarah and John Connor made it to a tropical island, only for Arnie to pop up and finish the job before buggering off.
This has left the world Johnless and with a royally pissed off Sarah.
Into this world drops Grace, an augmented human from 2045 who has to save young Dani from a new, more terrifying terminator.
Which basically means we've waited 18 years for the same story to be told.
And therein lies the problem here.
We have robots chasing humans, we have an human who will be the saviour of mankind and lots of running, hitting and explosions.
It's a nuts and bolts action film. With a dash of Robocop thrown in for good measure.
And given that T2 was the coolest film around way back when, to bring all that back (and there are homages and references all over the shop) in such a limp, drawn-out, bloated way is just a crushing disappointment.
Now, let's be clear about this - we were stocked to be going to see this. Almost giddy in fact.
I mean, Connor's back (and Linda Hamilton is still the coolest badass gun-toting chick around), Arnie's back (not a spoiler, it's in the trailer), and in places it is genuinely funny.
And in other places the action and tension are great.
But it's clear the script just wasn't up to snuff and they hoped to save everything with bigger and bigger set pieces as the whole thing dawdled on.
Well, sorry, it's not enough.
It's also not fair on the two central characters.
Mackenzie Davis (Grace) and Natalia Reyes (Dani) are strong, commanding screen presences and they basically make this film.
The action and drama is handled with power and panache and in lesser hands we'd have an even worse film.
What makes their performances even more outstanding is the dross they have to deal with. The dialogue is perfunctory at best, and the supporting and incidental characters are so paper thin you can almost see through them.
There is, however, one big plus to this movie — and it's genuinely something we hadn't thought of, but thankfully our viewing companion did.
This is a film with strong central female characters. No cleavage is needed. No smiling and twirling hair to get a thing done. No.
These three (kinda have to include Hamilton here) take no crap and shoot and punch their way through every bit of trouble.
The result on the female members of the audience (well, the one we were sitting with anyhoo) was to put a big grin on their face.
And if it can do that to a cynical, world weary woman - imagine what it will do to a younger generation of film makers.
Which, frankly, is brilliant.
And saves the film.
This is boring, action-by-numbers piffle with a plot looking for a story and dialogue in need of life support.
But this is also a film showing women can be as strong as men, can handle all the stuff they traditionally get sidelined from, and it should be applauded for this.
Now, if you don't mind, we've got a quadrology box set that needs trimming....
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