The Oscars 2013

And so, as the dust settles, and I wonder why my body felt the need to be awake for this year's Oscars, let's reflect on America's (and, by association, the whole world's) year in film.

Well, for a start, the office cat (now asking to be known as Richard Parker) gave his views on this year's ceremony by going out just before it all began, and then asking to come back in just as the credits rolled.

Clearly no fan of Seth MacFarlane.

Which is a tad harsh, because while he's no Bob Hope or Billy Crystal, Seth did OK hosting the show. Jokes about Argo (a film so secret the Academy wasn't allowed to know who the director was) and Amour (or This Is 90) were OK. We didn't need Captain Kirk showing up, we didn't need a whole host of song and dance numbers, but at least he wasn't Ricky Gervais.

Elsewhere, no one really did anything shocking or embarrassing. The speeches were kept fairly short, famous movie stars proved why they need the safety net of several takes and no audience to deliver three lines, and Renee Zellweger looked like she didn't know if she was at The Oscars or shopping at Walmart.

Oh, and Liam Neeson and Kristen Stewart proved that their personality-free acting style isn't an act.

Of the awards, there were no big shocks - except maybe in the Best Actress category, where the hotly-tipped birthday girl Emmanuelle Riva didn't win for her role in Amour. And that was it.

All a bit safe and sanitised, not a stunning year, but the good people won the good stuff and Ben Affleck gave good speech (almost quoting Chumbawamba into the bargain). In fact, the only real shock was the amount of botox that had been used. John Travolta and Jennifer Aniston could barely move an eyebrow between them, and Zellweger looked like she'd bathed in the stuff...

So, on to who won what (this is in order. Why Best Supporting Actor was first is beyond me):

Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz

Best Animated Short Film
Paperman

Best Animated Feature
Brave

Best Cinematographer
Claudio Miranda, Life Of Pi

Best Visual Effects
Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R Elliott, Life Of Pi

Best Costume Design
Jacqueline Durran, Anna Karenina

Best Make-Up and Hairstyling
Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell, Les Miserable

Best Live-Action Short Film
Curfew

Best Documentary Short
Inocente

Best Documentary Feature
Searching For Sugar Man

Best Foreign Language Film
Amour

Best Sound Mixing
Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson and Simon Hayes, Les Miserables

Best Sound Editing
Paul NJ Ottosson for Zero Dark Thirty, tied with Per Hallberg and Karen Baker Landers for Skyfall

Best Supporting Actress
Anne Hathaway

Film Editing
William Goldenberg, Argo

Production Design
Rick Carter and Jim Erickson, Lincoln

Best Original Score
Mychael Danna, Life Of Pi

Best Song
Skyfall by Adele

Best Adapted Screenplay
Chris Terrio, Argo

Best Original Screenplay
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Best Director
Ang Lee, Life Of Pi

Best Actress
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Best Actor
Daniel Day Lewis, Lincoln

Best Film
Argo

Right, I need another cuppa. Right after I've let Richard Parker out again...