Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice (12A)

Sometimes, there really is no point reviewing a film - people will flock to see it regardless what the critics think, and will only react if a review disagrees with their entrenched views.

Such a film is BvS.

Fans who love it are crying foul and looking for conspiracies because the rest of the world doesn't share their view (NEWSFLASH: Shit happens, grow up). If you like it, does it matter what a critic thinks?

No. It really doesn't. Get out more.

Billed as a sequel to Man Of Steel (which it isn't, it's far more a Batman film), Zak Snyder has again been given the keys to the toy cupboard and told to come up with a mahoosive blockbuster full of smash and bang.

And yet again he's failed.

If you thought Man Of Steel was dull, if you're still trying to work out how he ever got work again after Sucker Punch, BvS offers you no answers.

It will make you want to punch people though.

For almost two-and-a-half hours endless amounts of plot are thrown at the screen, Lois Lane is again a waste of celluloid (not Amy Adams' fault, the script fails her once more), Jesse Eisenberg looks completely lost as Lex Luthor and hints are dropped with the subtlety of neutron bombs as to who the dark-haired beauty might be.

Sitting there watching this, as minutes stretched ahead like days, several questions sprung to mind - not least, who approved this?

No film hits the screen without being tested and re-tested these days, not when this amount of money is being wasted - so how the hell did a film this dull, this badly directed, this badly written, actually make it to the screen?

Henry Cavill is fine as Superman, but his character has no depth so all he can do is look stern.

Ben Affleck, meanwhile, is simply channelling Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns - bringing us an older, wiser, more world-weary Batman.

Which he does well, but it really doesn't fit in a film which just uses dialogue to kill time between big smashy-up set pieces.

The film only really comes to life when Gal Gadot rocks up.

With clear on-screen chemistry with Affleck, Gadot adds a spark to a previously dire piece of leaden tosh.

Frankly she's not in the film enough, but then as she's only around to set up her own film you'd do just as well as to skip this entirely and catch up with her flick next year.

Or, wait for the forthcoming Justice League movie - because essentially all you've watched here is the world's longest trailer.

Speaking of which...

I get that people were excited about this film - Bats and Supes are huge icons of modern popular culture, with fans across the globe.

Sadly, this film does neither justice.

Hopefully, after this, someone will finally stop Snyder making such tedious crap.